She is in the apartment, but she has left me. I left her. We are cordial and its maddening. This kindness is killing me.
Food. I always make some sort of meal on Saturdays, then I was distracted by lightning. I just drifted outside mindlessly, a moth to the rain.
Face upward, angry drops hurt my eyes. Can't look directly at the sun, can't look directly at a storm. We really can't handle the truth can we? Our friendship was to shallow to swim in. Now its evaporated.
I am out here hoping that some courage will fall out of the sky. It's my apartment, but its not home as long as she is there. I miss myself without her... the talking out loud, the old vinyl in the morning. I miss the couch and the sun setting behind my television set, but I won't miss her.
F ---. No courage, no lightning, thanks god. You're either helping me, ignoring me or not really there. Either way I have to tell her, "You've left already. Please take your body with you."
Photo: homemade salad taken with my iPhone 4S with on board camera app.
